Reason #3

You're going to let me go. It's easier to spend the rest of your life telling anyone who'll listen that I'm selfish and ungrateful than to accept and acknowledge that none of your children like you. There's a reason why we don't like you. If you weren't such a mentalist you might spend some time thinking about it.

People of Barnsley, you have until June to put your houses on the market. She Who Must Not be Named is heading north. Don't say you weren't warned.

Reason #2

I am thirty four years old and you still make me feel like a disappointment. In fact, the only person who is disappointed in me is you.

Well, except me, but that's a whole other blog.

Reason #1

You forgot the part where you were supposed to love me and take care of me and go some way towards giving me the tools to help me become a well-adjusted adult.

Mind you, I'm not entirely sure who the blame really lies with - you, or Stowells of Chelsea.